The Fear of Being Ordinary: A Look at Perfectionism

25 December 2024

Have you ever felt that persistent pressure to be the best version of yourself? Or that gnawing fear of blending in, of being just like everyone else? Yeah, you're not alone. Many of us have this creeping feeling that if we aren't extraordinary, we're somehow failing at life. This is often tied to perfectionism, a mindset that pushes people to pursue flawlessness. But here's the kicker: Perfectionism can often trap us, making us believe that anything short of perfect is worthless.

In this article, we'll dive deep into the fear of being ordinary, how it connects to perfectionism, and the real toll it takes on our mental health. Spoiler alert: The desire to be extraordinary might just be your worst enemy.

What Exactly Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is one of those things that sounds great on paper. Who wouldn't want to be perfect, right? But in reality, it's like chasing a mirage—no matter how hard you try, you'll never quite reach it. This mindset often leads to constant self-criticism, procrastination, and even burnout.

At its core, perfectionism is the belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable. Perfectionists set unattainably high standards for themselves (and sometimes for others), and when these standards aren't met, it can lead to feelings of failure, guilt, and deep dissatisfaction.

But there’s a hidden undercurrent fueling this desire for perfection: the fear of being ordinary.

The Fear of Being Ordinary: Where Does It Come From?

Let’s face it, in today’s world, we’re constantly bombarded with messages telling us we need to stand out. Social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok have created a culture where people compare themselves to the highlight reels of others. Everyone seems to be living their “best life,” and it often feels like if you aren’t doing something extraordinary, you’re missing out.

But here's the thing: This fear of being ordinary isn’t a product of social media alone. It runs much deeper. From a young age, many of us are taught to be special. Whether it’s in school, sports, or social circles, there’s this emphasis on being unique, standing out, and achieving more than the average person.

Our society celebrates the “extraordinary” individuals—the entrepreneurs who start billion-dollar companies, the athletes who break world records, the artists who revolutionize culture. While there’s nothing wrong with admiring these achievements, the problem arises when we start to believe that being ordinary is somehow less valuable. This fear can morph into an unhealthy obsession with perfection, where anything less than extraordinary feels inadequate.

The Link Between Perfectionism and the Fear of Being Ordinary

Now, let’s connect the dots. The fear of being ordinary is often the engine that drives perfectionism. When you're terrified of blending in, you're more likely to push yourself to impossible standards. You might think, "If I’m not the best, then I’m nothing." This mindset can be incredibly damaging because, let’s be real, no one can be extraordinary all the time.

Perfectionists often fall into this trap. They work tirelessly, often at the expense of their mental and physical health, to achieve perfection. And what happens when they inevitably fall short? Feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt creep in. It’s a vicious cycle: the harder you try to be perfect, the more likely you are to feel unworthy when you don’t hit that impossible mark.

The Danger of “All or Nothing” Thinking

One of the hallmarks of perfectionism is "all or nothing" thinking. Perfectionists tend to see things in black and white. Either you’re amazing, or you’re a failure. There’s no middle ground.

But life isn’t black and white. It’s a spectrum full of gray areas. You don’t have to be the best at everything to be valuable. You can be good, pretty good, or even just okay at something, and that can be enough.

This kind of rigid thinking can make even small setbacks feel catastrophic. Missed a deadline at work? You’re a failure. Didn’t get straight A’s? You’re not smart enough. This kind of thinking can lead to a constant feeling of inadequacy, even when you're doing well by most people's standards.

The Cost of Chasing Perfection

So, what’s the real cost of striving for perfection? While aiming high can sometimes drive success, perfectionism often leads to more harm than good. Let’s break it down:

1. Chronic Stress

Perfectionism is exhausting. You’re constantly running on a treadmill, trying to reach that unattainable goal of "perfect." This leads to chronic stress, which can have serious consequences on your mental and physical health. Stress can contribute to anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and even heart issues.

2. Procrastination

Wait, what? Don’t perfectionists get everything done on time? Actually, quite the opposite. Because perfectionists fear failure, they often procrastinate, putting off tasks because they’re afraid they won’t do them perfectly. It’s a strange paradox: the desire to be perfect can actually prevent you from getting things done.

3. Burnout

Perfectionism is a fast-track to burnout. When you’re constantly pushing yourself to the limit, without ever taking a break or accepting that “good enough” is sometimes okay, you’re bound to crash. Burnout often leaves you feeling emotionally drained, unmotivated, and detached from activities that once brought you joy.

4. Impaired Relationships

Perfectionism doesn’t just affect you; it can also strain your relationships. Perfectionists often expect the same high standards from others, which can lead to frustration and disappointment when people don't measure up. This can strain personal and professional relationships, creating tension and conflict.

5. Fear of Failure

Ultimately, perfectionism is rooted in a deep fear of failure. But this fear can hold you back from taking risks, trying new things, or pursuing goals that you might not excel at right away. Ironically, the fear of failure can lead to missed opportunities for growth and success.

How to Break Free from Perfectionism

Okay, so we’ve established that perfectionism isn’t doing us any favors. But how do we break free from it? It’s not easy, especially if you’ve spent your whole life chasing perfection, but it is possible. Here are a few strategies to help you start:

1. Embrace Imperfection

The first step is to accept that perfection doesn’t exist. No one is perfect, and that’s okay. Start small by embracing imperfections in everyday life. Miss a workout? It’s fine. Send an email with a typo? It happens. You’ll quickly realize that life goes on, even when things aren’t perfect.

2. Set Realistic Goals

Perfectionists often set unrealistic goals for themselves, which sets them up for failure. Instead, set small, achievable goals that are challenging but realistic. Celebrate your progress along the way, and remember that it’s okay to adjust your goals as needed.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Perfectionists are often their own worst critics. Instead of beating yourself up when things don’t go perfectly, practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend.

4. Challenge Negative Thoughts

When you catch yourself thinking in “all or nothing” terms, challenge those thoughts. Remind yourself that being “good enough” is often more than enough. You don’t have to be extraordinary at everything to be valuable.

5. Focus on the Journey, Not the Destination

Instead of fixating on the end result, focus on the process. Enjoy the journey of learning, growing, and improving. You might find that the experience itself is far more rewarding than the outcome.

Learning to Be Content with Being "Ordinary"

Here’s the truth: Most of us are ordinary. And that’s not a bad thing. In fact, there’s beauty in the ordinary. Life isn’t about constantly striving to be extraordinary; it’s about finding joy in the everyday moments, in the small victories, and in the simple pleasures.

When we let go of the need to be perfect or extraordinary, we free ourselves from the constant pressure to perform. We allow ourselves to be human, with all our flaws and imperfections. And in doing so, we can finally find peace and contentment.

Final Thoughts

The fear of being ordinary and the pursuit of perfectionism can rob us of happiness and well-being. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we need to be extraordinary to be valuable, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. True fulfillment comes from accepting ourselves as we are—ordinary, imperfect, and wonderfully human.

So, let’s stop chasing perfection and start embracing the beauty of being ordinary. After all, life isn’t about being flawless—it’s about being real.